mental

i think i'm clinically depressed right now. least all signs lead to that. it is getting hard to hide. i want to see someone about it, but i know that being on meds could affect my future. i'm still a little kid. i still want to be an astronout and being on psych drugs is a definite weeder evaluation. so i guess i shall just keep slogging through, trying to make sense of what i'm being taught in class till they ask me to leave.

wife

i had a thought the other day. i am going to be a wife. that sounds old. maybe it is something that i need though.

i call david honey or dear. but he never calls me anything but steph. i wish he did hav e pet name for me. just something for him and i.

random marrage thoughts

we tested cakes today. it was unlike anythng i had done before. simply because i was expecting a few bites for each cake tyype, but we ended up getting a small cake for each flavor.
after Cait left i went to UPS and picked up my wedding band.
I riped my vail a little trying to get the tags off, i will have to glue it back together i think.

Sometimes getting married scares me. I haven't really dated around. Not that there are many guys i would like to share slobber with, not counting movie stars. but i still feel like such a little kid sometimes. i just feel like i should be more of an adult. having a real job, just feeling more confident in everything. i still feel like i don't know anything. and while i technically have college qualifications, i still don't know what to do with them.
maybe it would be different if dave and i were still living together, not just seeing each other once a month or so.