i want to go somewhere.

i'm not complaining, i'm really not. but it is spring break, and all i'm doing is getting overtime at work.
i wanted to go somewhere, spend time with just David and myself. but i was lucky i got him to come with to Oma's house for Easter.
He once promised that we could drive up to New England for a few days. have our own little vacation. somehow i don't think that is ever going to happen. he always has work. and i know it is a real job and it isn't like grad school. but it wasn't like we ever just ran off and ignored school. hell i was lucky when i could get him for a saturday or sunday when we were in school. now, it is almost useless.

I called Goebel on sunday night. Not for any particular reason other than I thought of him and wanted to say hi.

Turns out that his grandma had died and he had been in the hospital. None of these facts he had cared to tell me, except till I called and asked him how he was.
I was really offended, but i guess it is time for us to end our friendship. If you can call it a friendship.
I think i'm upset becaue I was really trying not to continuesly mention that I got married. I mean, I didn't change my profile pictures, I didn't update about it much. I was really trying to be nice about it.

the wedding went well

the wedding is only 9 days away. yes i'm freaking out. i'm wondering what else could possible go wrong. a few weeks ago my best man backed out because his wife won't let him come. then i'm not getting responses from hardly any of my sent invitations.
and then Kira called me today, while out visiting her parents. it seems she decided that she can't handle the music. the music that she was required to play in 9 days!!! oh ... my ... gosh. it seems at least that she got a replacement for herself. someone that plays with the toledo symphony or so. either way, i am beyond frustrated. this simply isn't something that i should have to be stressing out over. i'm already worried about where i can stash half of my life while i fill my governement required wife duties by living with david. i can't wait to be living with him, but i do hate having to give up school for a while.
*sigh*
It seems that miss Kira is really serious about moving out to Colorado with her parents. if that is the case, i'm going to try an get one other roommate and just rent the house from them. that would so be great. even it if isn't Andrea from my program, there is the whole group, ok 3 people, from they next group that might need a place to stay. if that is the case, i'm going to just keep all my extra stuff in the back of the basement i think.

almost everything I have touched today has broken, including Kira's dog. apperently the food i got for the doggie yesterday made her sick and she spent most of the day being sick.
I didn't even touch Kira's bank account and i still broke it. i guess i'm just that good, or bad. however you see it.

i had a dream about Brad last night. Actually it was about his nephew, though i know he doesn't have a nephew. the nephew was to be the ring bearer for the wedding. he was really cute too. but i remember asking brad if there was a reason that i shouldn't marry david, "While You Were Sleeping Style". and he was so obvilious he didn't realize.

I'm not quite what that all means. I know Brad and I would never work out, i think i' just too sexually frustrated.

mental

i think i'm clinically depressed right now. least all signs lead to that. it is getting hard to hide. i want to see someone about it, but i know that being on meds could affect my future. i'm still a little kid. i still want to be an astronout and being on psych drugs is a definite weeder evaluation. so i guess i shall just keep slogging through, trying to make sense of what i'm being taught in class till they ask me to leave.

wife

i had a thought the other day. i am going to be a wife. that sounds old. maybe it is something that i need though.

i call david honey or dear. but he never calls me anything but steph. i wish he did hav e pet name for me. just something for him and i.